shrimp

Wanna look like DR ZOIDBERG? well now you can!

Philippe Starck- Lost in translation - BEIJING LAN CLUB -

ok....

so we were in Beijing...

so we wanted a lovely dinner....

you look around the net.. you ask your friends where we should go!

We have been to so many Philippe Starck restaurant.

Ones in London... the ones in Paris... and go on and on and on.

Personally love the St. Martins lane hotel, when I first had that fusion oriental food we remember we were so happy... yes we were!!!

( although have not been back there for ages! hehe)

So we found LAN CLUB in beijing.

Thinking we wanna feel like a celebrity!

We wanted to be treated right!

We wanted those beautiful drink!

the beautiful food!

the beautiful people around us!

first we get to this place called the twin towers in Beijing.

the out look fo the building is like errrrrr...... really?

is the Lan Club really in there?

and yes there it was....

on the 4th floor.

you exit the elevator and there you are!

in LAN CLUB....

all nice

it looks like Philippe Starck and feel at home

the entry is cool....

and the displays are all magnificent!

all these antiques that cost millions all over the place!

feathers!

pretty princess's head gear!

we want one!

we finally sit down after walking through a long long ally....

to find hundreds of paintings on the ceiling...

it was friday night around 8.30pm ...

we were thinking " god ! it's quiet here tonight "

well after I learned I guess it is always quiet here.....

some heads on display as well!

so as i say this is what it looks like on a friday night!

on a supposedly a hip place to eat out in beijing... yep... dead... totally dead...

our living room looks more busy than this on a regular Thursday evening!

ha!

hmmmm another empty seat......

with really sad looking people............

( we like happy people and did not see any at all )

on the way to the powder room we found another pretty looking bar.

ooooo

what a surprise!

ooooo

no one is here!

the toilet was lovely tho!

well i guess this was the best thing about this "LAN CLUB"

there was a chair next to the bog!

all the toilets are all single room

which is nice!

and the bird washes your hands!

all automatic i say!

oooo!

( like that is so special ... )

We ordered a drink

Rasberry Mojito was on the menu.

and it was nice.

but you know?

the waitress could not even bring the drink to me.

well actually the drink came to me.

then 2 seconds later another waitress came to our table and took my drink and

placed it in front of our friends......

so I got my drink back then the waitress challenged me saying that that drink was not for me....

hmmmmm wired.....

we wanted to order...

whilst we were trying to order to food suddenly we had about 4-5 waitress around us

taking menu from our table putting new one on....

not sure what the hell was going on to be honest.

after around 15mins or confusion we finally found a "set menu" menu.

so we have ordered an 8 course meal!

just to check out what is this place all about!

first dish!

Spinach with wasabi - was ok!

the thing next to it - you can get the same thing from "EAT" hmmmmm

soup.

I cant remember what soup this was

it looks pretty right?

but it was luke warm.

I think it was Spinach and pumpkin?

ying and yan aka chinese style mate!

curry and cheese is on top of this!

this was the only "hot" dish through out the night.....

our friend ordered "SUSHI"

on the menu it had some oysters on.

he is sensitive to Oysters so he asked the waitress where they are from.

They told him that the Oysters are from South Africa, since South Africa is not

exactly that close to Beijing he ordered the Sushi without the Oyster.

So the waitress told him that he will get 4 extra slices of Salmon.

did he get that?

no he didn't.

then he realize that there is no Sushi Ginger!

and as many of you must be the same some people like Sushi ginger.

He ordered Sushi ginger on the side....

and this appeared....

just raw ginger in star shape.

yep.

they are cute but they ain't SUSHI GINGER YOU TWATS!

and the waitress were laughing...

yeahhh laugh you idiots!

next dish!

king prawn - was yummy yet still luke warm

whilst I was finishing the above dish...

the waitress or waiter or whoever that was working at the LAN CLUD

brought another dish out.

errrrr????

I have not even finished the last dish.....

WTF?

WTF?

W the F F hell?

and some fish in plastic just like some steamed dead body.....

was nice but not fantastic.....

and some beef and spring onion.

again you know?

stir fry is some thing that you stir fry in Hot fire!

i guess they made this on top of a candle...

cos it was cold...

by this time we had few to drink and we were getting rather angry with the food the quality and the service....

it was all

SHIT

to be honest!

yep

shit.....

then the final .....

oooo

how this made us so angry....

Creme Brulee

from all my experience of Creme Brulee is that the top bit is well caramelized...

it should be hard but...

well look at this.

its like.....

what is this?

just cream with 2cm in the middle burned,

like something you'd buy a pack of 6 of in Iceland.

You know, if we shopped in Iceland.

I called them over at this point and said this is totally wrong wrong wrong.

I would not want to pay for any of this.......

and they smiled at me and said

" thank you for your suggestion"

and walked off!

YOU KNOW WHAT MR. PHILIPPE STARCK IF I WERE YOU

I WILL TAKE YOUR NAME OFF THIS PLACE MATE!

such a disappointment it was....

and on the way out we found this.

they do happy hour....

well I guess that says it all doesn't it....

(why the two hour happy hour gap? freaks)

yep it does!

not doing well at all.....

bye bye Lan Club we will never see you again!

x

behold the weirdness

now who wants a sandwich?

UZBEKISTAN - food

So in Uzbekistan, they like to eat. and eat alot.

and make their guests eat a shitload.

I dont think ive ever had to knock back an 8 course meal

with only neat vodka.

And then get up and have a 3 course lunch the next day.

FOR 8 DAYS

My stomach has never felt such endurance testing

The food was different, and tasty

Who would have thought about twinning savory dishes

with apricots, cherries, strawbs and chocolates!?

Here are some of the translated menus available for tourists

(there arent many tourists)

"I will have a herring under fur coat, followed by a lady whim please.

With a side of sissy"

The spice market - itchy nose!

runny eyes

dried ladies selling dried fruits

(it was very warm)

The national dish - PLOV

(horse meat and beef over paella style rice)

YUMMY

(this was forced down me at 9am with a hangover

at a men only wedding celebration/honouring)

Neopolitan ice cream? NO! Neopolitan mustard!

"a salad"

some un-refrigerated meat

some triangular rice with shishlik kebabs

and some radioactive cakes!

Just your typical pre course spread!

glug glug glug

Damian Stankovic's Cipher glasses are amazing!

the pixels coordinate with the drink you put in

to spell out what you are drinking

We wonder if it will work with Champagne?

what has Glenn Close got in her mouth?

Glenn! what are you doing?!

thanks to Dlisted

DIM SUM SUNDAY WITH THE BAD EGG!

we love shanghai on Kinglsland rd!

ahahahahahaha

yum it was !! yep yum it is!

When preparing one of our Candlelight Suppers.....

Look at this cute vintage 'household reminder' we have

to let us know what we need when preparing for one of our candlelight suppers

but

can anyone tell us what the following things are?

*

corn meal

farina

hominy

wash blue

*

we've never come across these in any of our receipes,

if you regularly use any of the above in your dishes, please enlighten us!

It's Xmas and you need to eat Veg!

so all you need is this box

keep all your receipe in this

and when you decided which Veg you want

you just need to pull it out!

ou est la

c'est voila!!

disgusting foods we have eaten 3

no not really!

it is too cute to eat!

disgusting foods we have eaten 2

Who loves soft shell crab?

WE DO!!

After years of countless ordering at restaurants,

we thought we would try it home-made stylee

1- get the little suckers from some rock pool

2- cut their little faces off

(hear them scream! they scream = you scream)

3- batter up those bad boys

4- deep fry those bad boys until golden crisp

5 - look at the mess you've created and reach for the takeaway menu

MORAL OF THE TALE

- stick to restaurants and professionals who know what they are doing

Decoupage?

Some fabulous vintage tearsheets from a fashion magazine from Germany

with some fabulous contemporary fruit dessert candies from Germany

big thanks to LA YARAA for the gift! xx

disgusting foods we have eaten part 2

This little beauty is RAW horse, sushi style!

Served in Yakiniku BBQ restaurant in Japan.

Actually, as the french would say, "delicieux"

ready for the knackers yard?

EAT IT

push it, push it reeeeal good

Look at these salt 'n' pepper quakers 'n' shakers @ 'PizzaEast' in Shoreditch, London. If you're going to 'go', we recommend just the starters 'n' puddings, as the 'pizzas' were a bit like eating 'Sesame Snaps' with limited toppings!

http://www.pizzaeast.com/